youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
