dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
