i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
