A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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