I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
