it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
