I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
