I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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