No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
