she woke up with a sticky ear
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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