I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
