so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
we're so committed to being not committed
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
