Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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