i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
