Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
