As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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