someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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