super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
