We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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