i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
