The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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