If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize