New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize