I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
