He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
