i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
