I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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