Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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