Redeem this text for a blowjob
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
