Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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