It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
