i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Randomize
