Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
