Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
