took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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