8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
