She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
