her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
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