The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
