My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
