I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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