My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
