so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
