You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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