He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize