nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
