I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
