It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
