Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
