Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
