Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
