he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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