I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
