my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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