mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Send help, water and tortillas.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
