We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
