I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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