I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
