i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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