She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
