My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
