I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
