do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
