Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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