He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
