I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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