Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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