i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Did I show you my penis last night?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize