One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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