i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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