Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
