Kareoke will never be a sober sport
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Drunk is a universal language darling
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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