i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
