Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
