4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
